Have you ever found yourself at a place in life where you knew there was more ahead but found yourself lost amongst the details? That's where I've been. Frazzled is the word I'll use. I know God has a plan. He's been faithful to remind me frequently that He has a plan. He has given me peace that I know could only come from Him. I'm not accustomed to that sort of peace.
I've always been a doer. Doer (defined by me)- someone motivated by having a task at hand. My parents are both very hard workers, I grew up to learn that reaching goals takes hard work. Here is West Texas, when times get tough, you tighten boot straps. That's just what I've always done. Until, came the day when my load was too much. I had finally met my match. For me, this place was learning to mother an amazing little girl with a life threatening seizure disorder, Dravet Syndrome. If you don't know me or my family personally, you may have never heard of it, look it up. Education is a step to hope! I won't go into any sort of details with this post, but know there involved changing circumstances in life that were beyond my control. Hard work can not always change the circumstances in life. I stayed in this state of brokenness and isolated myself for a couple of years. This was the exact place Satan wanted me. He fed me lies. My anxieties heightened, depression drew it's cloud over me and hoplessness set in.
That is not the end to my story. Over the past few months, my Prince, the only One who can save any of us when we reach our limit, began to repair the brokenness within me. If you haven't reached your limit or met your match, don't be too prideful just yet. One day, you could find yourself in circumstances beyond your control. What will you do? Who will you reach for?
Back to my Prince. I have an amazing husband. He's a hardworker, has more patience than anyone I know, is a wonderful father, and has been by my side through many trials. Even he wasn't able to save me. My Prince, my Savior is Jesus. His presence was with us through every hardship we faced. He was faithful through the storms. He calmed my anxious heart. It has been through brokenness that I have seen, that I have FELT the GLORY of the LORD. Through healing my broken heart, he has revealed graciousness, mercy, and compassion on a level I've never known before.
So, here I am in a place where the Holy Spirit continues to whisper, "Don't worry, I've got this." He's faithful to remind me. Though there is peace in my heart, I am human. There have been days where that sense of urgency tries to resurface. My need for a plan heightens. Out of high school, I chose a career that I loved, that I was passionate about. Something that challenged me and completed a large part of who I am as a helper. I became a nurse. I have a skill set that allows me to make a decent living. I've never been rich. But my husband and I always took pride that we were able to provide for ourselves. Things change when circumstances change. God had a plan. God has been faithful. So very faithful! But, when that feeling of urgency and anxiousness reappears, my mind goes to what seems logical. A job using my skill set, my passion. Now, I work weekends as a nurse and am extremely thankful for this opportunity. For almost three years, I have worked every other weekend at a nursing home. As a pediatric nurse, the change has not been natural but its been a blessing. This is strictly a weekend job and has been just what my family needed. However, the control freak in me seems to think I need a full time nursing job. So, I look for jobs. A job in an area that I am most comfortable requires a 45 minute one way commute. This would take me away from my family. The very thing God has made clear I am supposed to make my priority. So, in so many ways, it seems logical, but it contradicts what God has spoken to me. So, here I stand trusting Him. Not really knowing the means or end. Just simply trusting Him. Opening my heart, opening my life to His peace. Giving Him the glory for the faithfulness He has provided my family.
One LARGE piece of the puzzle not known by many is just how Stuffology has blessed our family. Stuffology is my mom's passion. It is what drives her. She is the definition of an entrepreneur. She has been bold in pursuing her dreams. The past three years, I have had the privilege to help her grow her dream and to see the Lord bless her. Her story is amazing and one she will have to tell one day. Behind the scenes, the income I have earned through Stuffology has helped my family tremendously. It has allowed us to purchase expensive seizure medications with little coverage by insurance, has funded private therapy, given us grocery money, helped us pay utility bills and so much more. But in my mind, I have always viewed myself as a helper. When people ask about the store, I've always replied, "It's my parent's store, I just help them."
Well, things are changing y'all. The Holy Spirit has been whispering in my ear- "take ownership". Not exactly sure where my role is to be, but I feel a peace that surpasses any understanding that my role is within Stuffology. That Stuffology is a gift, a means, an evolving plan.
He has put a new song in my heart. When I helped before, I lacked the passion that my Mom has. Stuffology did not give me purpose as it did her. I'm finding my purpose. And I'm so blessed and excited to see what is ahead.
"The authority of His message will strike your inner man with such a blow that it will shake loose your old agenda and replace it with His new one." Prisilla Shirer
"I know the LORD is speaking to me when what I hear and am able to do cannot be done without His assistance, protection and guidance. He only speaks what brings glory to himself." Bishop Kenneth Ulmer
"Let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and as you sing Psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it in the name of the LORD, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:15-17
Passion and purpose working together is necessary. Through a growing passion, I am finding my purpose. Definitely different than anything I ever imagined. Stuffology is my mom's dream. She has had the vision. She knew the vision included our family. Stuffology is becoming my dream too. Thank you Mom for allowing me to help you. For never giving up on me. Thank you Lord for a new dream, a new passion, a new purpose.
Heavenly Father, thank you for your ever present hand over our family, over Stuffology. Thank you for your protection. Please continue to guide us and fuel our passion as we work to fulfill your purpose through Stuffology. May we be a beacon in our community, in our region, in the world! I don't have to know the plan, I will pursue you and trust your guidance! Thank you, thank you! Back off Satan, there is no room here for your lies!
What's your song? Are you in need of a new song? Pursue God!! Don't pursue God's plan as I found myself doing so many times. In pursuing God, He will reveal His plan to you.
Love and Blessings and Stuff!!!